Things to Ponder

clementine · 20th March 2008, 04:17 PM

Why is the thing your looking for always in the last place you look?

How do you lose something you put down 2 minutes ago?

Quintrex · 20th March 2008, 04:51 PM

If a bricklayer can lay bricks, can a plumber lay plums?

Therrin · 20th March 2008, 07:19 PM

If Vegetarians eat Vegetables...

What do Humanitarians eat?

newguy18 · 20th March 2008, 07:42 PM

If the plural of goose is geese,shouldn't the plural of moose be meese.

playfordtree · 21st March 2008, 01:07 AM

Q. What's the capitalist version of communism?

A. Welfare.

DBS · 27th March 2008, 11:12 AM

If you're born again do you have two belly buttons?

newguy18 · 27th March 2008, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DBS

If you're born again do you have two belly buttons?

hang on[ng checks],nope still only have 1.

DBS · 27th March 2008, 11:32 AM

LOL...

instead of a second BB you were given an addiction to coffee...

Bill... i will leave now.... and go to Post Office and mail you your item...

sorry for HUGE delay.

regards,

Daryl

newguy18 · 27th March 2008, 11:41 AM

I got my chest pains under control,took the advice of a friend with a medical history and started taking a multi vitamean and it thinned my blood out and i only have chest pains when my b/p is high but yes i still drink coffeee like water,Hey no worries about the delay we all have busy schedules that at times can seem hectic.cheers and thanks again.

crucificio · 27th March 2008, 01:25 PM

Why does mineral water have a sell by date when it has been running through mountains for years?

newguy18 · 27th March 2008, 09:45 PM

1)
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

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2)
Can you cry under water?

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3)
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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4)
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

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5)
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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6)
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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7)
What disease did cured ham actually have?

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8)
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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9)
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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10)
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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11)
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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12)
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13)
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

They're going to see you naked anyway.

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14)
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

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15)
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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16)
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

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17)
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

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18)
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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19)
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs!

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20)
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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21)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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22)
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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23)
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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24)
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

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25)
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

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26)
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Ekka · 28th March 2008, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newguy18

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

LOL, I know a few walking blackouts!

Therrin · 28th March 2008, 01:37 AM

15, 16, 18 and 24 got me.

Good Ones Bill!

clementine · 28th March 2008, 03:16 AM

20)
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Love it!!!!

Much better to catch the little beep beeping M'r F'r!

newguy18 · 8th April 2008, 02:05 PM

How come everyone says you can't put a price on human life yet most of us do it daily?

JohN Dee · 9th April 2008, 03:52 AM

Lol nice ones Bill. I could say something about number 15 and Aboriginals, but for the sake of peace and harmony I'll keep it to myself.

20th March 2008, 04:17 PM	#26 (permalink)
clementine Mature tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 288	Re: Things to Ponder Why is the thing your looking for always in the last place you look? How do you lose something you put down 2 minutes ago? __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

20th March 2008, 04:51 PM	#27 (permalink)
Quintrex Mature tree Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 464	Re: Things to Ponder If a bricklayer can lay bricks, can a plumber lay plums? __________________ Heightmaster

20th March 2008, 07:19 PM	#28 (permalink)
Therrin The Tree World Bandit Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lancaster, Ca Posts: 1,273	Re: Things to Ponder If Vegetarians eat Vegetables... What do Humanitarians eat? __________________ Ken Fessia I.T.S.A. Tree Service (661) 916-4703

20th March 2008, 07:42 PM	#29 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,679	Re: Things to Ponder If the plural of goose is geese,shouldn't the plural of moose be meese. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

21st March 2008, 01:07 AM	#30 (permalink)
playfordtree Mature tree Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Adelaide Australia Posts: 340	Re: Things to Ponder Q. What's the capitalist version of communism? A. Welfare. __________________ I Drink Therefore I am.

27th March 2008, 11:12 AM	#31 (permalink)
DBS Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: CT USA Posts: 205	Re: Things to Ponder If you're born again do you have two belly buttons? __________________ Stihl MS 200T Stihl MS 361

27th March 2008, 11:32 AM	#33 (permalink)
DBS Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: CT USA Posts: 205	Re: Things to Ponder LOL... instead of a second BB you were given an addiction to coffee... Bill... i will leave now.... and go to Post Office and mail you your item... sorry for HUGE delay. regards, Daryl __________________ Stihl MS 200T Stihl MS 361

27th March 2008, 11:41 AM	#34 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,679	Re: Things to Ponder I got my chest pains under control,took the advice of a friend with a medical history and started taking a multi vitamean and it thinned my blood out and i only have chest pains when my b/p is high but yes i still drink coffeee like water,Hey no worries about the delay we all have busy schedules that at times can seem hectic.cheers and thanks again. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

27th March 2008, 01:25 PM	#35 (permalink)
crucificio Sappling Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: isle of man Posts: 30	Re: Things to Ponder Why does mineral water have a sell by date when it has been running through mountains for years?

27th March 2008, 09:45 PM	#36 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,679	Re: Things to Ponder 1) If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2) Can you cry under water? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4) Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5) Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6) Why does a round pizza come in a square box? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7) What disease did cured ham actually have? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9) Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11) Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 13) Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 14) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 15) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 16) If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 17) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 18) If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 19) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20) If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 21) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 22) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 23) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 24) Why did you just try singing the two songs above? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 25) Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 26) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

28th March 2008, 01:37 AM	#38 (permalink)
Therrin The Tree World Bandit Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lancaster, Ca Posts: 1,273	Re: Things to Ponder 15, 16, 18 and 24 got me. Good Ones Bill! __________________ Ken Fessia I.T.S.A. Tree Service (661) 916-4703

28th March 2008, 03:16 AM	#39 (permalink)
clementine Mature tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 288	Re: Things to Ponder 20) If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Love it!!!! Much better to catch the little beep beeping M'r F'r! __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

8th April 2008, 02:05 PM	#40 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,679	Re: Things to Ponder How come everyone says you can't put a price on human life yet most of us do it daily? __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

9th April 2008, 03:52 AM	#41 (permalink)
JohN Dee Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 750	Re: Things to Ponder Lol nice ones Bill. I could say something about number 15 and Aboriginals, but for the sake of peace and harmony I'll keep it to myself. __________________ Climber with slow climbing speed, must make up with mighty chainsaw roar. Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Red : Green : Blue

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