It's just a Joke!

JayD · 11th November 2007, 06:39 PM

Shot because his name was Chuck!R.I.P

..............LOL.............................

Ekka · 11th November 2007, 10:20 PM

Joe's there for a Flo

Eddy's there for a Betty

Chuck's there for a *@%k!

Quintrex · 12th November 2007, 01:16 AM

Maybe Chuck was picking up the farmers duck?

clementine · 12th November 2007, 01:17 PM

Speaking of farmers:

A lawyer a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with the local farmer.
The farmer said, "Well, there might be a problem, you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening".
With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. The Rabbi replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that this is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. Then, after a few minutes the same thing, a knock on the door. "What is it now?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I am truly grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Yep, you guessed it! Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

playfordtree · 12th November 2007, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quintrex

Maybe Chuck was picking up the farmers duck?

Thats fowl !

Wash your mouth out!

Therrin · 13th November 2007, 11:55 AM

One day a guy comes home from work and says to his wife, "Baby, can I pop one off in your ear tonight?"
To which she replies, "EWWWW no!"
He says, "oh come on, please baby, just once?"
She replies, "No! Just think about it, what if it makes me go deaf or something?"

He thinks about this for a split second and says assuredly, "Naw, that's impossible!"
She looks at him questioningly.
He finishes with "come on now, you let it in your mouth all the time and you still won't shut the hell up."

newguy18 · 13th November 2007, 12:17 PM

newguy18 · 13th November 2007, 12:21 PM

okay how about this one guys.An american buisness man was in japan for a golf tournament.he checks into a hotel and pays for a hooker.Well he made love to the hooker and through out it all the hooker kept screaming hoshimota hoshimota he couldn't remember what that ment but he was sure he pleased the hooker to the best of his abilities.The next day at the tournament he makes a hole in one and his japanese buisness partner is congratulating him in japanese and the only thing he can think to say is hoshimota.concerned his partner asks what you mean wrong hole?

Quintrex · 13th November 2007, 11:09 PM

Woman naked in front of the mirror, preening heself, says to husband " I need $10,000 to get a breast enlargement"
Husband says " you don't need that, just get a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your boobs once a day"
Wife "will that work"
Husband "well, it sure worked for your arse"

Therrin · 14th November 2007, 12:42 AM

You know, men... we're probably quite lucky at this point that there aren't many women in the tree climbing profession.

Actually, does anyone know any? There's an interesting one.

playfordtree · 14th November 2007, 02:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quintrex

Woman naked in front of the mirror, preening heself, says to husband " I need $10,000 to get a breast enlargement"
Husband says " you don't need that, just get a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your boobs once a day"
Wife "will that work"
Husband "well, it sure worked for your arse"

clementine · 14th November 2007, 07:07 AM

Cracking stuff Quintrex

Two cows were chatting in the milking parlour, one says "I was artificially inseminated this morning"
" You never were" says tother,
" Yep it's true, no bull"

Two bulls, one old and one young were looking down over a field of cows.
The young bull says "Lets run all the way down there and shag one of those cows"
"No" says the old bull, "Lets walk over there and shag em all"

Ekka · 15th November 2007, 02:14 AM

I work with a young guy every now and then and I nick named him Young Bull!

If they were to play chess or checkers they'd only see 1 move ahead.

JayD · 15th November 2007, 02:41 AM

Yes! And she's a lovely person,I wouldn't pee her off thought I mean you couldn't escape up a tree she'b be right up there after you!!..LOL.
Dont you hate when you answer a post and think WTF, Only to realise there was another page.LOL.

newguy18 · 17th November 2007, 07:24 PM

alright this is good for a chuckle or two.
A 3rd grade boy was sent home from school to do a report that he had to say outloud in class the next day.he went home into the kitchen and asked his mom what he should write his book report on and she said go away.he asked his brother and he said superman.He asked his sister and she was watching a football game and said 49 49.he then asked his dad who was toasting buns for hamburgers and all of a sudden his burns caught and he yelled my buns are burning my buns are burning.The boy went to school the next day and the teacher asked him what he did his report on and the boy told her go away.She said youg man who do you think you are?he said superman.so she sent him to the princepals office.the princepal asked him how many spankings he should get for his behaviour and the boy said 49 49.after the princepal was done he said how do you feel young man and the boy said my buns are burning my buns are burning.

clementine · 18th November 2007, 03:29 PM

A businessman, away from his family is lying on the bed in his hotel room and decides that he needs a little something that his wife doesn't do for him anymore. So, he decides to get one of those girls he's seen advertised in the local paper, offering escort and massage and more.
He opened the local paper to an ad for a girl calling herself
Comerly, a lovely looking girl, bending over in the photo.
She had all the right curves, in all the right places,
beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the
way up. You know the kind... So he is in his room and
figures, what the hell, and he makes the call.

"Hello!" says the girl.

Gosh she sounds sexy! The man thinks to himself.

"Hi, it says here you give a great massage and I'd like you
to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should
be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I
really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and
I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long.
You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys,
everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go
hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, cover me in
chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want
baby. Now, what will all that cost me??"

She says,

"That sounds really great, Mr. Wilson, but for an outside
line you need to press 9 first".

11th November 2007, 06:39 PM	#51 (permalink)
JayD Astronaut Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 821	Re: It's just a Joke! Shot because his name was Chuck!R.I.P ..............LOL............................. __________________ Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory

11th November 2007, 10:20 PM	#52 (permalink)
Ekka Eric Frei Administrator - Brisbane L5 (Dip) Hort Cert III Arb + some Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 5,669	Re: It's just a Joke! Joe's there for a Flo Eddy's there for a Betty Chuck's there for a @%k! __________________ Remember to use the "search" function, if you have answers/questions post them so everyone can benefit.* Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

12th November 2007, 01:16 AM	#53 (permalink)
Quintrex Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 414	Re: It's just a Joke! Maybe Chuck was picking up the farmers duck?

12th November 2007, 01:17 PM	#54 (permalink)
clementine Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 252	Re: It's just a Joke! Speaking of farmers: A lawyer a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with the local farmer. The farmer said, "Well, there might be a problem, you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening". With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. The Rabbi replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that this is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. Then, after a few minutes the same thing, a knock on the door. "What is it now?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I am truly grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!" Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Yep, you guessed it! Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow. __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

13th November 2007, 11:55 AM	#56 (permalink)
Therrin The Tree World Bandit Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lancaster, Ca Posts: 1,112	Re: It's just a Joke! One day a guy comes home from work and says to his wife, "Baby, can I pop one off in your ear tonight?" To which she replies, "EWWWW no!" He says, "oh come on, please baby, just once?" She replies, "No! Just think about it, what if it makes me go deaf or something?" He thinks about this for a split second and says assuredly, "Naw, that's impossible!" She looks at him questioningly. He finishes with "come on now, you let it in your mouth all the time and you still won't shut the hell up." __________________ Ken Fessia I.T.S.A. Tree Service (661) 916-4703

13th November 2007, 12:17 PM	#57 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

13th November 2007, 12:21 PM	#58 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! okay how about this one guys.An american buisness man was in japan for a golf tournament.he checks into a hotel and pays for a hooker.Well he made love to the hooker and through out it all the hooker kept screaming hoshimota hoshimota he couldn't remember what that ment but he was sure he pleased the hooker to the best of his abilities.The next day at the tournament he makes a hole in one and his japanese buisness partner is congratulating him in japanese and the only thing he can think to say is hoshimota.concerned his partner asks what you mean wrong hole? __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

13th November 2007, 11:09 PM	#59 (permalink)
Quintrex Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 414	Re: It's just a Joke! Woman naked in front of the mirror, preening heself, says to husband " I need $10,000 to get a breast enlargement" Husband says " you don't need that, just get a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your boobs once a day" Wife "will that work" Husband "well, it sure worked for your arse"

14th November 2007, 12:42 AM	#60 (permalink)
Therrin The Tree World Bandit Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lancaster, Ca Posts: 1,112	Re: It's just a Joke! You know, men... we're probably quite lucky at this point that there aren't many women in the tree climbing profession. Actually, does anyone know any? There's an interesting one. __________________ Ken Fessia I.T.S.A. Tree Service (661) 916-4703

14th November 2007, 07:07 AM	#62 (permalink)
clementine Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 252	Re: It's just a Joke! Cracking stuff Quintrex Two cows were chatting in the milking parlour, one says "I was artificially inseminated this morning" " You never were" says tother, " Yep it's true, no bull" Two bulls, one old and one young were looking down over a field of cows. The young bull says "Lets run all the way down there and shag one of those cows" "No" says the old bull, "Lets walk over there and shag em all" __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

15th November 2007, 02:14 AM	#63 (permalink)
Ekka Eric Frei Administrator - Brisbane L5 (Dip) Hort Cert III Arb + some Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 5,669	Re: It's just a Joke! I work with a young guy every now and then and I nick named him Young Bull! If they were to play chess or checkers they'd only see 1 move ahead. __________________ Remember to use the "search" function, if you have answers/questions post them so everyone can benefit. Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

15th November 2007, 02:41 AM	#64 (permalink)
JayD Astronaut Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 821	Re: It's just a Joke! Yes! And she's a lovely person,I wouldn't pee her off thought I mean you couldn't escape up a tree she'b be right up there after you!!..LOL. Dont you hate when you answer a post and think WTF, Only to realise there was another page.LOL. __________________ Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Last edited by JayD : 15th November 2007 at 02:45 AM. Reason: missed a page of post..Duh..LOL

17th November 2007, 07:24 PM	#65 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! alright this is good for a chuckle or two. A 3rd grade boy was sent home from school to do a report that he had to say outloud in class the next day.he went home into the kitchen and asked his mom what he should write his book report on and she said go away.he asked his brother and he said superman.He asked his sister and she was watching a football game and said 49 49.he then asked his dad who was toasting buns for hamburgers and all of a sudden his burns caught and he yelled my buns are burning my buns are burning.The boy went to school the next day and the teacher asked him what he did his report on and the boy told her go away.She said youg man who do you think you are?he said superman.so she sent him to the princepals office.the princepal asked him how many spankings he should get for his behaviour and the boy said 49 49.after the princepal was done he said how do you feel young man and the boy said my buns are burning my buns are burning. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

18th November 2007, 03:29 PM	#66 (permalink)
clementine Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 252	Re: It's just a Joke! A businessman, away from his family is lying on the bed in his hotel room and decides that he needs a little something that his wife doesn't do for him anymore. So, he decides to get one of those girls he's seen advertised in the local paper, offering escort and massage and more. He opened the local paper to an ad for a girl calling herself Comerly, a lovely looking girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves, in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind... So he is in his room and figures, what the hell, and he makes the call. "Hello!" says the girl. Gosh she sounds sexy! The man thinks to himself. "Hi, it says here you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, what will all that cost me??" She says, "That sounds really great, Mr. Wilson, but for an outside line you need to press 9 first". __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal