It's just a Joke!

treevet

Good one Funarty, Those grandma's know their stuff Grandma power!

Q.Q.

A bloke say's to his Wife

Why Don't you tell me when you Orgasm?.

Wife replies

I don't like ringing you at work!.

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Q,Q's Tree Lopping

FAMILARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT

funarty

Quintrex

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the
> boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have
> boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She
> tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The
> boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to
> tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad
> does.She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'. Again
> satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
> Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,
> '*Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer
> he talks, the dumber he gets.'*

__________________
Heightmaster

Quintrex

A lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black
Man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is
Your name?'

'I can't tell you,' the black man says.

Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is,
and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last night there
she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'

'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me.' says the black man.

'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' the lady says.
'Fine, my name is Snow!' the black man replies. And the lady bursts into
laughter, and the black man gets mad and says,' I knew you would make fun of it'.

The lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my
husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow
every day in Jamaica.

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Heightmaster

Quintrex

An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so
>
> advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it
>
> in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
>
>
>
> A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany , we can
>
> take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have
>
> him looking for work in four weeks.'
>
>
>
> A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so
>
> advanced,we can take half a heart from one person, put
>
> it in another, and have them both looking for work in
>
> two weeks.'
>
>
>
> The Aussie doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Huh!, that's
>
> nothing. We can take an arsehole out of Queensland, put
>
> him in Canberra and have half the country looking for work
>
> within twenty-four hours.

__________________
Heightmaster

Quintrex

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed
> and walked
> back into the kitchen completely naked except for the
> boots. Again he
> asked
> Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything
> different NOW?'
>
> Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's
> different? It's
> hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday,
> it'll be hanging
> down
> again
> tomorrow!'
>
> Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S
> HANGING DOWN,
> MARGARET?'
>
> 'Nope', she replied.
>
> 'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY
> NEW BOOTS!!!!'
>
> Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,
> 'Shoulda bought a
> hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.'
>

__________________
Heightmaster

StrictlyPalms

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do.'



The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?' Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!'

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, ' Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others? '

He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease...and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!

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Strictly Palms, Inc.
Orlando, Florida USA

funarty

A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat and as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful young womanboarding the plane.

He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .'
He swallowed hard, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she responded.'I use
my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.


Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men ofGreek descent.


We have also found that the best potential lovers in allcategories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!'
'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.'

Ekka

Jeez I had a good laugh with them, I got no idea where you get good jokes like that.

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ArborealTerror

Firstky an apology to all of our (arboreal) brothers in USA.

A Texan is taking a taxi tour around Sydney. He see's the Snowy River project.

'Hmm cute dams' he says. 'Tell me about them'

'Well', says the taxi driver.' It took 10,000 Australian workers 20 years to put together all of the dams and hydro-electric power stations that make up the snowy mountains Hydro Electric Scheme.'

'Oh Yeah' says the Texan, 'We got something like that. They call it the Hoover Dam, maybe you have heard of it, except it only took 5000 American workers 10 Years to build.'

Later they drive across the Sydney Harbour Bridge. 'Cute bridge!' says the Texan.

'Yeah', says the driver, 'Took 5000 Australian workers 10 years to build this bridge'

'Hmmf' says the Texan, We got a little old bridge just like this in the old US of A. We call it the Golden Gate. Maybe you have heard of it. It is a bit bigger than this but only took 2000 American workers 5 years to build it.'

Suddenly the Texan see's the Sydney Opera House. 'WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?', he shouts.















Taxi driver replies 'Dunno, wasn't there this morning!'

playfordtree

.....Tonto Papadopoulos.....



Classic.

Well done Funarty

__________________
Jack of all trades.
Mastered by No-one.

funarty

funarty

Quintrex

The Divorced Barbie Doll
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the
sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'

The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It 's what?! Why is the
Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls

__________________
Heightmaster

Quintrex

WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:

Definitely not!

WIFE:

Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND:

Of course I do.

WIFE:
Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND:

Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE:

You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:

(Makes audible groan).

WIFE:

Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:

Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE:

Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:

Where else would we sleep?

WIFE:

Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND:

Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE:

Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:

That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE:

Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:

No, she's left-handed.

WIFE:
- silence - -

HUSBAND:
F * ck ....

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Heightmaster