It's just a Joke!

Quintrex · 25th October 2007, 02:12 AM

ha, good ones. You got me again!

ninikins · 27th October 2007, 09:10 AM

Ohno. The cross eyed dog one made me REALLY laugh. I worry about my sense of humour - help!

Ekka · 27th October 2007, 02:04 PM

Clemantine does get some good ones, most I haven't heard before.

Sean Freeman · 27th October 2007, 03:02 PM

I get a kick out of thinking how he fares trying them out at his local tavern.......

Translation would be a real pain!!!!

JayD · 29th October 2007, 12:24 AM

Hi Folks,
I got a laught out of this.

Quintrex · 5th November 2007, 02:04 AM

It was 1944, getting near the end of WW2, when young Bluey Sanders from Brewarrina at the back of Bourke was called up to serve his country. bluey had never been to the "big smoke" or even out of his rural area in his life so far. He was a bit apprehensive of what he would encounter in the outside world.
First day at Kapooka Army camp, he was issued with a uniform, including a comb. that afternoon the army barber cut off all his hair.
Next day, he was issued with pesonal kit, including a toothbrush. that afternoon, the army dentist pulled out 7 of his teeth.
Third day, he was issued with a jock strap. Bluey is still officially AWOL!!!

Ekka · 5th November 2007, 04:08 AM

LOL

clementine · 7th November 2007, 01:56 PM

Nice one Quintrex.

Just remembered this old chestnut:

Three mates, one Scottish, one Irish and one English were flying over a remote jungle region of Papua New Guinea. Their plane developed engine trouble and they were forced to crash land.
They were, to their surprise, all unhurt and after getting their bearings decided to head for the nearest stream or river, as it would surely lead them downstream and out of the jungle.
They had only walked a short distance when they heard a loud “al-lalama, al-lalama” chanting sound and suddenly became surrounded by a tribe of Indians who overwhelmed them, hog-tied them to branches and carried them off to their camp, chanting “al-lalama” all the way.

After a long trek they arrived at the tribes camp, the tribesmen chanted “Lalama, lalama, lalama” and the big chief appeared. He approached the three men and said to the Irishman,
“You man, you have two choice, first choice Death! Second choice Bimbo!
What your choice?”
Well, the Irishman looked at his mates, who shrugged their shoulders, so, scared and not wanting to die, he said,
“I choose Bimbo!”
The whole tribe started to chant “Bimbo, bimbo, bimbo, bimbo” and it got louder as they stripped and tied the Irishman to the ceremonial log.
“Bimbo, bimbo, bimbo” the chant continued as twenty of the tribesmen removed their thongs and proceeded to shag the Irishman, his two mates looked on in horror as he began to scream. When all twenty had finished they untied him and he collapsed on the floor, moaning.

The big chief then approached the Scotsman and said,
“You man, you have two choice, first choice Death! Second choice Bimbo!
What your choice?”
He had seen what happened to his Irish friend and was horrified but at least he was still alive, he thought, so, shrugging his shoulders to his English mate he said,
“I choose Bimbo too!”
Well, once again the whole tribe started to chant “Bimbo, bimbo, bimbo, bimbo” and it got louder and louder as they stripped and tied the Scotsman to the ceremonial log.
“Bimbo, bimbo, bimbo” the chant continued again as twenty of the tribesmen removed their thongs and proceeded to shag the Scotsman, while his English mate looked on in absolute horror and disgust as he began to scream. When all twenty had finished they untied him and he collapsed on the floor, moaning and crying but still alive.

The big chief then finally approached the Englishman and said, (you know)
“You man, you have two choice, first choice Death! Second choice Bimbo!
What your choice?”
Well, the Englishman is from a very privileged family and remaining proud he decides that, after seeing what has happened to his mates, he is not going to let himself be violated in the same fashion, so he says to the chief,
“I will not give you the satisfaction of degrading me, I will choose Death!”

Well, the whole tribe starts to run around excitedly as they begin to chant,

“Death! Death! Death! Death! Death!

Death by Bimbo! Death by Bimbo!”

Ekka · 7th November 2007, 02:01 PM

Quintrex · 7th November 2007, 03:09 PM

Ha Ha! Bad call there.

clementine · 8th November 2007, 01:49 PM

A jump lead walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

The barman says "OK, as long as you don't start anything".

Two blokes chatting, the one says,
"What would you do if the world was about to end in 5 minutes?"
The other says, "I'd shag anything that was moving for those 5 minutes. What would you do?"
"I'd stay perfectly still!"

Ekka · 8th November 2007, 09:20 PM

Oh boy, I can see me having to do some house cleaning here soon ... now I have to check the complaints dept.

JayD · 8th November 2007, 10:21 PM

It's all in fun! Only 18 and over allowed to enter.

Prudes and whingers stay out..LOL.

Sean Freeman · 8th November 2007, 10:55 PM

You have a complaints dept??? Where's that hidden?

Quintrex · 8th November 2007, 11:21 PM

I don't care personally, but maybe we should be careful and PC with the racist stuff.
There go half my jokes!

Ekka · 9th November 2007, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sean Freeman

You have a complaints dept??? Where's that hidden?

Well, see that exclamation looking icon thingy under your avatar ... it's like the nurses bell in a hospital.

Then people PM me or email me.

But it's hard you know, keeping an even balance, from hard workers through to academics.

But at the end of the day, what I decide goes, which can be tough coz I either piss a member off deleting his post or piss some-one else off for not.

Anyway, no complaints yet.

Sean Freeman · 9th November 2007, 12:40 AM

Aha! the little warning sign well.......now we know!!!!

25th October 2007, 02:12 AM	#26 (permalink)
Quintrex Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 414	Re: It's just a Joke! ha, good ones. You got me again!

27th October 2007, 09:10 AM	#27 (permalink)
ninikins Gettin' motoring Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: holland Posts: 11	Re: It's just a Joke! Ohno. The cross eyed dog one made me REALLY laugh. I worry about my sense of humour - help!

27th October 2007, 02:04 PM	#28 (permalink)
Ekka Eric Frei Administrator - Brisbane L5 (Dip) Hort Cert III Arb + some Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 5,669	Re: It's just a Joke! Clemantine does get some good ones, most I haven't heard before. __________________ Remember to use the "search" function, if you have answers/questions post them so everyone can benefit. Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

27th October 2007, 03:02 PM	#29 (permalink)
Sean Freeman PDF King & Arborist Extrodinaire Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Townsville Nth Queensland & Gold Coast Sth Queensland Posts: 1,521	Re: It's just a Joke! I get a kick out of thinking how he fares trying them out at his local tavern....... Translation would be a real pain!!!! __________________ Sean Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky, We fell them down and turn them into paper, That we may record our emptiness. - Kahlil Gibran

5th November 2007, 02:04 AM	#31 (permalink)
Quintrex Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 414	Re: It's just a Joke! It was 1944, getting near the end of WW2, when young Bluey Sanders from Brewarrina at the back of Bourke was called up to serve his country. bluey had never been to the "big smoke" or even out of his rural area in his life so far. He was a bit apprehensive of what he would encounter in the outside world. First day at Kapooka Army camp, he was issued with a uniform, including a comb. that afternoon the army barber cut off all his hair. Next day, he was issued with pesonal kit, including a toothbrush. that afternoon, the army dentist pulled out 7 of his teeth. Third day, he was issued with a jock strap. Bluey is still officially AWOL!!!

5th November 2007, 04:08 AM	#32 (permalink)
Ekka Eric Frei Administrator - Brisbane L5 (Dip) Hort Cert III Arb + some Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 5,669	Re: It's just a Joke! LOL __________________ Remember to use the "search" function, if you have answers/questions post them so everyone can benefit. Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

7th November 2007, 01:56 PM	#33 (permalink)
clementine Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 252	Re: It's just a Joke! Nice one Quintrex. Just remembered this old chestnut: Three mates, one Scottish, one Irish and one English were flying over a remote jungle region of Papua New Guinea. Their plane developed engine trouble and they were forced to crash land. They were, to their surprise, all unhurt and after getting their bearings decided to head for the nearest stream or river, as it would surely lead them downstream and out of the jungle. They had only walked a short distance when they heard a loud “al-lalama, al-lalama” chanting sound and suddenly became surrounded by a tribe of Indians who overwhelmed them, hog-tied them to branches and carried them off to their camp, chanting “al-lalama” all the way. After a long trek they arrived at the tribes camp, the tribesmen chanted “Lalama, lalama, lalama” and the big chief appeared. He approached the three men and said to the Irishman, “You man, you have two choice, first choice Death! Second choice Bimbo! What your choice?” Well, the Irishman looked at his mates, who shrugged their shoulders, so, scared and not wanting to die, he said, “I choose Bimbo!” The whole tribe started to chant “Bimbo, bimbo, bimbo, bimbo” and it got louder as they stripped and tied the Irishman to the ceremonial log. “Bimbo, bimbo, bimbo” the chant continued as twenty of the tribesmen removed their thongs and proceeded to shag the Irishman, his two mates looked on in horror as he began to scream. When all twenty had finished they untied him and he collapsed on the floor, moaning. The big chief then approached the Scotsman and said, “You man, you have two choice, first choice Death! Second choice Bimbo! What your choice?” He had seen what happened to his Irish friend and was horrified but at least he was still alive, he thought, so, shrugging his shoulders to his English mate he said, “I choose Bimbo too!” Well, once again the whole tribe started to chant “Bimbo, bimbo, bimbo, bimbo” and it got louder and louder as they stripped and tied the Scotsman to the ceremonial log. “Bimbo, bimbo, bimbo” the chant continued again as twenty of the tribesmen removed their thongs and proceeded to shag the Scotsman, while his English mate looked on in absolute horror and disgust as he began to scream. When all twenty had finished they untied him and he collapsed on the floor, moaning and crying but still alive. The big chief then finally approached the Englishman and said, (you know) “You man, you have two choice, first choice Death! Second choice Bimbo! What your choice?” Well, the Englishman is from a very privileged family and remaining proud he decides that, after seeing what has happened to his mates, he is not going to let himself be violated in the same fashion, so he says to the chief, “I will not give you the satisfaction of degrading me, I will choose Death!” Well, the whole tribe starts to run around excitedly as they begin to chant, “Death! Death! Death! Death! Death! Death by Bimbo! Death by Bimbo!” __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

7th November 2007, 02:01 PM	#34 (permalink)
Ekka Eric Frei Administrator - Brisbane L5 (Dip) Hort Cert III Arb + some Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 5,669	Re: It's just a Joke! __________________ Remember to use the "search" function, if you have answers/questions post them so everyone can benefit. Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

7th November 2007, 03:09 PM	#35 (permalink)
Quintrex Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 414	Re: It's just a Joke! Ha Ha! Bad call there.

8th November 2007, 01:49 PM	#36 (permalink)
clementine Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 252	Re: It's just a Joke! A jump lead walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The barman says "OK, as long as you don't start anything". Two blokes chatting, the one says, "What would you do if the world was about to end in 5 minutes?" The other says, "I'd shag anything that was moving for those 5 minutes. What would you do?" "I'd stay perfectly still!" __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

8th November 2007, 09:20 PM	#37 (permalink)
Ekka Eric Frei Administrator - Brisbane L5 (Dip) Hort Cert III Arb + some Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 5,669	Re: It's just a Joke! Oh boy, I can see me having to do some house cleaning here soon ... now I have to check the complaints dept. __________________ Remember to use the "search" function, if you have answers/questions post them so everyone can benefit. Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

8th November 2007, 10:21 PM	#38 (permalink)
JayD Astronaut Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 821	Re: It's just a Joke! It's all in fun! Only 18 and over allowed to enter. Prudes and whingers stay out..LOL. __________________ Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory

8th November 2007, 10:55 PM	#39 (permalink)
Sean Freeman PDF King & Arborist Extrodinaire Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Townsville Nth Queensland & Gold Coast Sth Queensland Posts: 1,521	Re: It's just a Joke! You have a complaints dept??? Where's that hidden? __________________ Sean Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky, We fell them down and turn them into paper, That we may record our emptiness. - Kahlil Gibran

8th November 2007, 11:21 PM	#40 (permalink)
Quintrex Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 414	Re: It's just a Joke! I don't care personally, but maybe we should be careful and PC with the racist stuff. There go half my jokes!

9th November 2007, 12:40 AM	#42 (permalink)
Sean Freeman PDF King & Arborist Extrodinaire Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Townsville Nth Queensland & Gold Coast Sth Queensland Posts: 1,521	Re: It's just a Joke! Aha! the little warning sign well.......now we know!!!! __________________ Sean Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky, We fell them down and turn them into paper, That we may record our emptiness. - Kahlil Gibran