It's just a Joke!

pomme · 2nd June 2008, 02:45 PM

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."

Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash.

Dad asked, "Where is Susie?"

The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

newguy18 · 2nd June 2008, 06:11 PM

classic.

Quintrex · 15th June 2008, 11:19 PM

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a

local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' all right"

Villager: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake

once a week to play."

Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and

keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Villager: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Villager: "The sheep's a liar"

Ekka · 16th June 2008, 12:38 AM

Dang them Kiwi's and what they do to their sheep!

newguy18 · 16th June 2008, 10:30 AM

The sheeps a liar.

clementine · 24th June 2008, 01:25 PM

A young woman is in hospital in a coma. The nurses are in her private ward giving her a sponge bath.
One of the nurses is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she touches her around that bodily area.
The Doctor approaches her husband and explains to him what has happened, telling him:
"Strange as this my sound, maybe a little oral sex would help to bring her out of her coma."

The husband is very skeptical, but the Doctor assures him that they will close the curtains around him and his wife for privacy, and that after so long in a coma, anyting is worth a try. The husband finally agrees and goes into his wife`s private ward, and pulls the curtains around himself and his wife.

All is quite for a few minutes, then the heart monitor alarm goes off and shows flat lines....no pulse......no heart rate.

The nurses who were standing outside the room run in.
The husband is standing by the bed, pulling up his pants and says.........

"I think she's choked."

Therrin · 24th June 2008, 02:21 PM

OMG!!!! CLEMENTINE!!!!

JayD · 24th June 2008, 02:46 PM

LOL...So it didn't work?..LOL..I bet he tried hard to revive her...

newguy18 · 24th June 2008, 03:18 PM

thats bad clemmy.

Therrin · 24th June 2008, 03:21 PM

newguy18 · 24th June 2008, 03:25 PM

,wonder if they'll find him?

Quintrex · 24th June 2008, 11:20 PM

Coupla good one there guys.
Glad to see you back Clemmy!

Quintrex · 24th June 2008, 11:43 PM

Hi have you read this before?

Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a
string and put stairs under it.
Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards
the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with
cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same
result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues
through several more attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to
climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it. Now, turn off
the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new
one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his
horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and
attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be
assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five apes and repace
it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.
The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiam.
Again, replace the third original ape with a new one. The new one makes
it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that
beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs,
or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape. After
replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have
been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape
ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because that's the way
they've always done it and that's the way it's always been around here.

And that's how company policy begins.....

Interesting isn't it?
Any apes at you place?

clementine · 25th June 2008, 01:17 AM

Sounds just like basic training in the forces....

Ekka · 25th June 2008, 01:29 AM

I thought it sounded like religion frankly!

treevet · 25th June 2008, 03:38 AM

Or "committee"

2nd June 2008, 02:45 PM	#351 (permalink)
pomme Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: england Posts: 224	Re: It's just a Joke! A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage." The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you." Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. Dad asked, "Where is Susie?" The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

2nd June 2008, 06:11 PM	#352 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Dead twig Florida. Posts: 3,400	Re: It's just a Joke! classic. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

15th June 2008, 11:19 PM	#353 (permalink)
Quintrex Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 538	Re: It's just a Joke! An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun. Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?" Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie." Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right" Villager: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Dog: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Villager: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool" Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Horse: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Villager: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Villager: "The sheep's a liar" __________________ Heightmaster

16th June 2008, 12:38 AM	#354 (permalink)
Ekka Admin - Dip Arb & Hort Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 8,009	Re: It's just a Joke! Dang them Kiwi's and what they do to their sheep! __________________ Tree World Legal Fighting Fund\| Protect Your Rights to Freedom Of Speech\| Pledge Today Tree World Picture Competition\| $300 of Prizes Up for Grabs Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping \| Stump Grinding and Stump Removal Brisbane Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations, Developer, Tree and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

16th June 2008, 10:30 AM	#355 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Dead twig Florida. Posts: 3,400	Re: It's just a Joke! The sheeps a liar. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

24th June 2008, 01:25 PM	#356 (permalink)
clementine Mature tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 317	Re: It's just a Joke! A young woman is in hospital in a coma. The nurses are in her private ward giving her a sponge bath. One of the nurses is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she touches her around that bodily area. The Doctor approaches her husband and explains to him what has happened, telling him: "Strange as this my sound, maybe a little oral sex would help to bring her out of her coma." The husband is very skeptical, but the Doctor assures him that they will close the curtains around him and his wife for privacy, and that after so long in a coma, anyting is worth a try. The husband finally agrees and goes into his wife`s private ward, and pulls the curtains around himself and his wife. All is quite for a few minutes, then the heart monitor alarm goes off and shows flat lines....no pulse......no heart rate. The nurses who were standing outside the room run in. The husband is standing by the bed, pulling up his pants and says......... "I think she's choked." __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

24th June 2008, 02:21 PM	#357 (permalink)
Therrin The Tree World Bandit Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lancaster, Ca Posts: 1,348	Re: It's just a Joke! OMG!!!! CLEMENTINE!!!! __________________ Ken Fessia I.T.S.A. Tree Service (661) 916-4703

24th June 2008, 02:46 PM	#358 (permalink)
JayD Veteran Heritage Status Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 1,099	Re: It's just a Joke! LOL...So it didn't work?..LOL..I bet he tried hard to revive her... __________________ Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory

24th June 2008, 03:18 PM	#359 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Dead twig Florida. Posts: 3,400	Re: It's just a Joke! thats bad clemmy. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

24th June 2008, 03:25 PM	#361 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Dead twig Florida. Posts: 3,400	Re: It's just a Joke! ,wonder if they'll find him? __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

24th June 2008, 11:20 PM	#362 (permalink)
Quintrex Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 538	Re: It's just a Joke! Coupla good one there guys. Glad to see you back Clemmy! __________________ Heightmaster

24th June 2008, 11:43 PM	#363 (permalink)
Quintrex Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 538	Re: It's just a Joke! Hi have you read this before? Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five apes and repace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiam. Again, replace the third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because that's the way they've always done it and that's the way it's always been around here. And that's how company policy begins..... Interesting isn't it? Any apes at you place? __________________ Heightmaster

25th June 2008, 01:17 AM	#364 (permalink)
clementine Mature tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 317	Re: It's just a Joke! Sounds just like basic training in the forces.... __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

25th June 2008, 01:29 AM	#365 (permalink)
Ekka Admin - Dip Arb & Hort Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 8,009	Re: It's just a Joke! I thought it sounded like religion frankly! __________________ Tree World Legal Fighting Fund\| Protect Your Rights to Freedom Of Speech\| Pledge Today Tree World Picture Competition\| $300 of Prizes Up for Grabs Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping \| Stump Grinding and Stump Removal Brisbane Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations, Developer, Tree and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

25th June 2008, 03:38 AM	#366 (permalink)
treevet Veteran Heritage Status Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA Posts: 1,291	Re: It's just a Joke! Or "committee"