It's just a Joke!

DBS · 20th April 2008, 02:35 PM

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police man's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

clementine · 20th April 2008, 03:15 PM

I was talking to me mate the other day, I sais:

"I bought five tickets the other day"

He sais:

"What for?"

I sais, "No! Five!".

Sorry guys & dolls

newguy18 · 22nd April 2008, 08:04 AM

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

The Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

The Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

The Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

The Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

The Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

The Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

The Law of the Bath

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

The Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

The Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

The Law of Biomechanics

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

The Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

The Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

The Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

the Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

The Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

The Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

The Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

The Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

newguy18 · 24th April 2008, 07:02 AM

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans . It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu , is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484, 674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516, 528.

B.. Or if you have one of the 188, 251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1, 329, 787.

C. Or if you are a family of four, your family gets $2, 066, 012.

Fairfield · 24th April 2008, 08:53 AM

police v.s fireman
MySpaceTV Videos: policeman vs fireman by +~JB~+

clementine · 24th April 2008, 01:31 PM

There was a daddy mole, a mammy mole, and a baby mole. They all lived in a hole out in the country in a large garden.
Daddy mole stuck his head out of the hole one morning and said,
"Mmmm, I can smell bacon cooking!"
Mammy mole stuck her head outside the hole and said,
"Mmmm, I also smell sausages cooking!"
Baby mole tried frantically to stick his head outside the hole but he couldn't because Mammy and Daddy mole were blocking it.
Baby mole said,

"The only thing I can smell is molasses."

treevet · 24th April 2008, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clementine

There was a daddy mole, a mammy mole, and a baby mole. They all lived in a hole out in the country in a large garden.
Daddy mole stuck his head out of the hole one morning and said,
"Mmmm, I can smell bacon cooking!"
Mammy mole stuck her head outside the hole and said,
"Mmmm, I also smell sausages cooking!"
Baby mole tried frantically to stick his head outside the hole but he couldn't because Mammy and Daddy mole were blocking it.
Baby mole said,

"The only thing I can smell is molasses."

Whooooooooooooooooooahhhhhhhhhh (Al Pacino)

newguy18 · 25th April 2008, 08:52 PM

The Final Question

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the
final plateau.

If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.

If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000
milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.

It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its
own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used
Up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that
Remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not
Have to use it because ... Her friend was, well--blonde.

But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the
Question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C:
The cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith
Any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And
considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the
logical thing to do.

But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude,
that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

"I need an answer," said Meredith.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, that is my final answer."

And Meredith replied, "That answer is. Absolutely correct! You are
now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and
friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million
dollars.

"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.

"How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde... "Everybody knows that cuckoos
don't build nests. They live in clocks."

treevet · 28th April 2008, 09:41 PM

blah blah blahblah blah blah

blah blah

blah blah blahblah

blah blah

blah blah blah

blah blah

blah blah blah

blahblah

blah blah

blah blah

blahblah

Blahahahahahahahaha

treevet · 28th April 2008, 09:43 PM

sorry, always wanted to do that.

newguy18 · 28th April 2008, 09:53 PM

YouTube - Obama on the Run

treevet · 28th April 2008, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newguy18

YouTube - Obama on the Run

Your hubby got a hummer .........

newguy18 · 29th April 2008, 05:16 AM

YouTube - OBAMA: The Musical

newguy18 · 29th April 2008, 09:40 AM

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that
course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had
prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely
going to $h!t yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful,
which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day
both of your ***** cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of
coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's
Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my
intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning
symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning.

Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just when, I
bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often
haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and
began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was
at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.
Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm
referring to that 'Uh oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the
wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a
mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines,
forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one
step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it
happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped i n a
noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was
afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly,
oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I
began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned
into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction
would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she
walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different
directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at
least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked
into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible
that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand
there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward
off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me
laugh. Mistake.

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down',
if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth
from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a
few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the
store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off through
the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying
that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the
inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my *** is
burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle
of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and
disgustedly said, 'Sonofagun!', then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart
intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me
and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears
some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to
run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of
the problem.'

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The
employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose
and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off
returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted
from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat
but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to
shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court
over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the
store..

20th April 2008, 02:29 PM	#326 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

20th April 2008, 02:35 PM	#327 (permalink)
DBS Fly'n Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: CT USA Posts: 196	Re: It's just a Joke! If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police man's credibility... Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?" A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away." Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?" A: "The officer who responded to the scene." Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?" A: "Yes, sir. With my life." Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?" A: "Yes sir, we do!" Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?" A: "Yes sir, I do." Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?" A: "Yes sir." Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?" A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room." __________________ Stihl MS 200T Stihl MS 361

20th April 2008, 03:15 PM	#328 (permalink)
clementine Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 252	Re: It's just a Joke! I was talking to me mate the other day, I sais: "I bought five tickets the other day" He sais: "What for?" I sais, "No! Five!". Sorry guys & dolls __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

22nd April 2008, 08:04 AM	#329 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY The Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. The Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. The Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. The Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. The Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. The Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). The Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. The Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. The Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. The Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. The Law of the Theater At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. The The Starbucks Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. The Murphy's Law of Lockers If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. The Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. the Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. The Brown's Law of Physical Appearance If the shoe fits, it's ugly. The Oliver's Law of Public Speaking A closed mouth gathers no feet. The Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. The Doctors' Law If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

24th April 2008, 07:02 AM	#330 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases. A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959. B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it. While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans . It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu , is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number, what does it mean? A. Well, if you are one of 484, 674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516, 528. B.. Or if you have one of the 188, 251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1, 329, 787. C. Or if you are a family of four, your family gets $2, 066, 012. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

24th April 2008, 08:53 AM	#331 (permalink)
Fairfield Cruisin' Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Bucks county Pa USA Posts: 70	Re: It's just a Joke! police v.s fireman MySpaceTV Videos: policeman vs fireman by +~JB~+ __________________ Hi yes you know me I am B.A.M.F nice to meet you

24th April 2008, 01:31 PM	#332 (permalink)
clementine Afterburner is shakin' Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 252	Re: It's just a Joke! There was a daddy mole, a mammy mole, and a baby mole. They all lived in a hole out in the country in a large garden. Daddy mole stuck his head out of the hole one morning and said, "Mmmm, I can smell bacon cooking!" Mammy mole stuck her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I also smell sausages cooking!" Baby mole tried frantically to stick his head outside the hole but he couldn't because Mammy and Daddy mole were blocking it. Baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses." __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

25th April 2008, 08:52 PM	#334 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! The Final Question A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it: A) the condor B) the buzzard C) the cuckoo D) the vulture The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used Up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that Remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not Have to use it because ... Her friend was, well--blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the Question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo." The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith Any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. "I need an answer," said Meredith. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo." "Is that your final answer?" "Yes, that is my final answer." And Meredith replied, "That answer is. Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!" Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. "Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?" "Oh, come on," said the blonde... "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks." __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

28th April 2008, 09:41 PM	#335 (permalink)
treevet Astronaut Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Cincinnati Posts: 598	Re: It's just a Joke! blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blahblah Blahahahahahahahaha

28th April 2008, 09:43 PM	#336 (permalink)
treevet Astronaut Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Cincinnati Posts: 598	Re: It's just a Joke! sorry, always wanted to do that.

28th April 2008, 09:53 PM	#337 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! YouTube - Obama on the Run __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

29th April 2008, 05:16 AM	#339 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! YouTube - OBAMA: The Musical __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

29th April 2008, 09:40 AM	#340 (permalink)
newguy18 Tree World Icon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,188	Re: It's just a Joke! I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to $h!t yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your *** cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning. Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot. There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped i n a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it. I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake. Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place. Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my * is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofagun!', then quickly left. Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.' That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related