It's just a Joke!

Ace Master · 8th March 2008, 03:00 AM

Fishing trip
A man going on a weekend fishing trip was having his wife pack for him,he said oh be sure to pack my pyjamas. when he returned back from the weekend trip his wife asked ''how was the fishing'' he said ''lt was great'' but you forgot one thing, you didn't pack my pyjamas like i asked you.''Smiling,she replied ''oh yes i did,they were in your tackle box.

clementine · 8th March 2008, 02:34 PM

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People because:

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station toilet because the one your at is filthy.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about trucks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

You don't need underwear.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes or face.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £5000. Suit rental-£100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

No wonder men are happier.

Quintrex · 9th March 2008, 01:18 AM

Ha ah.
Love it!

Ace Master · 9th March 2008, 03:26 AM

A bloke is having breakfast when his wife comes down mad as hell,why are you so cranky and she says,i found a piece of paper with the name of ''Bouncing Betty on it ,he says Honey that was a horse tip from last week and she calms down somewhat. Next morning she is really pissed off and starts slapping him. He asks what the hell got you so mad this time.She says ''that horse just called looking for you''.

Therrin · 11th March 2008, 02:33 AM

Hope I'm not stepping on any toes here.

This is a REDNECK MANSION... for those of you who've never seen one

Ekka · 13th March 2008, 11:19 PM

Hey Therrin, is that little one in the middle on the right the one you're in?

Ace Master · 13th March 2008, 11:54 PM

Took these pic of some dum ass painters

Have a look at the spikes on top of the fence

What about the scissorlift

They just look at me with a dum face when i said you blokes could fall down and hurt yourself.

playfordtree · 14th March 2008, 03:06 AM

That's painters for ya.

They're not the sharpest tools in the box!
(must be all those paint fumes)

I've known a few painters in me time and they're usually always old poms who like a drink and a bet.
good blokes really.( just dumb as a box of hammers)

Ekka · 14th March 2008, 03:16 AM

Why wouldn't the dude just go up in the scissor lift?

Talk about shish kabobbed if ya fell.

You know when the pommy painter has done ya house, full of wallpaper!

Therrin · 14th March 2008, 03:28 AM

Heh...no Ekka, mine's a good 4 whole feet longer!!!

Getting in a 32 footer on monday though. Just finished doing some work in trade for it. Now I've got two! I could start my own trailer park!

TreeDimensional · 14th March 2008, 07:01 AM

Hey Therrin, did you get the optional red-neck with the second one?

newguy18 · 14th March 2008, 07:02 AM

I'm still in florida td.

clementine · 14th March 2008, 02:48 PM

Two cowboys talking about sex. One cowboy says,

"I like the rodeo position best!"

"I haven't heard of that one." says the other, "what is it?"

"Well, you get your girlfriend down on all fours and "get behind her" right, then reach around and cup each of her breasts in your hands, then whisper..... These feel just like your sisters."

Then try to hold on for 8 seconds!"

bill24 · 14th March 2008, 07:53 PM

Clemetine,

That cowboy joke is a ripper & now circulating eastern Aust., thanks......

l liked this one, (must be my advancing age..........)?

======================================================

TWO OLD MEN DECIDED THAT THEY WERE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS, AND THEY WANT TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL

THE MADAM TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERED TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN
INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT
WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

THE MANAGER DID AS HE WAS TOLD, AND THE TWO OLD MEN WENT UPSTAIRS AND TOOK CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY WERE WALKING HOME, THE FIRST MAN SAID, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!
DEAD?' ASKED HIS FRIEND. 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.

HIS FRIEND SAID, ' THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE . I THINK MINE WAS A
WITCH.'

'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE
HER A LITTLE BITE. THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... AND
TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'

============================================

Regards to all,

Bill24.

Sean Freeman · 15th March 2008, 01:49 PM

Maybe its just me but that joke almost made me wet myself!

she's a witch!!!....

clementine · 21st March 2008, 05:41 PM

My wife said " I want one of these installed right now!"

And she held the spanner for me!

8th March 2008, 03:00 AM	#276 (permalink)
Ace Master Mature tree Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia, Vic, Melbourne Posts: 276	Re: It's just a Joke! Fishing trip A man going on a weekend fishing trip was having his wife pack for him,he said oh be sure to pack my pyjamas. when he returned back from the weekend trip his wife asked ''how was the fishing'' he said ''lt was great'' but you forgot one thing, you didn't pack my pyjamas like i asked you.''Smiling,she replied ''oh yes i did,they were in your tackle box. __________________ The Mt Dandenong Ranges Tree Specialists

8th March 2008, 02:34 PM	#277 (permalink)
clementine Mature tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 288	Re: It's just a Joke! WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People because: Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station toilet because the one your at is filthy. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about trucks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. You don't need underwear. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes or face. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £5000. Suit rental-£100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. No wonder men are happier. __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

9th March 2008, 01:18 AM	#278 (permalink)
Quintrex Mature tree Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 462	Re: It's just a Joke! Ha ah. Love it! __________________ Heightmaster

9th March 2008, 03:26 AM	#279 (permalink)
Ace Master Mature tree Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia, Vic, Melbourne Posts: 276	Re: It's just a Joke! A bloke is having breakfast when his wife comes down mad as hell,why are you so cranky and she says,i found a piece of paper with the name of ''Bouncing Betty on it ,he says Honey that was a horse tip from last week and she calms down somewhat. Next morning she is really pissed off and starts slapping him. He asks what the hell got you so mad this time.She says ''that horse just called looking for you''. __________________ The Mt Dandenong Ranges Tree Specialists

11th March 2008, 02:33 AM	#280 (permalink)
Therrin The Tree World Bandit Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lancaster, Ca Posts: 1,273	Re: It's just a Joke! Hope I'm not stepping on any toes here. This is a REDNECK MANSION... for those of you who've never seen one __________________ Ken Fessia I.T.S.A. Tree Service (661) 916-4703

13th March 2008, 11:19 PM	#281 (permalink)
Ekka Eric Frei Administrator - Brisbane L5 (Dip) Hort Cert III Arb + some Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 6,932	Re: It's just a Joke! Hey Therrin, is that little one in the middle on the right the one you're in? __________________ Remember to use the "search" function, if you have answers/questions post them so everyone can benefit. Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping \| Stump Grinding and Stump Removal Brisbane Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations, Developer, Tree and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

14th March 2008, 03:06 AM	#283 (permalink)
playfordtree Mature tree Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Adelaide Australia Posts: 340	Re: It's just a Joke! That's painters for ya. They're not the sharpest tools in the box! (must be all those paint fumes) I've known a few painters in me time and they're usually always old poms who like a drink and a bet. good blokes really.( just dumb as a box of hammers) __________________ I Drink Therefore I am.

14th March 2008, 03:16 AM	#284 (permalink)
Ekka Eric Frei Administrator - Brisbane L5 (Dip) Hort Cert III Arb + some Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Brisbane Posts: 6,932	Re: It's just a Joke! Why wouldn't the dude just go up in the scissor lift? Talk about shish kabobbed if ya fell. You know when the pommy painter has done ya house, full of wallpaper! __________________ Remember to use the "search" function, if you have answers/questions post them so everyone can benefit. Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory Qualified Brisbane Tree Lopping \| Stump Grinding and Stump Removal Brisbane Brisbane Tree Care, Consultations, Developer, Tree and Arborist Reports Forum Sponsors

14th March 2008, 03:28 AM	#285 (permalink)
Therrin The Tree World Bandit Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lancaster, Ca Posts: 1,273	Re: It's just a Joke! Heh...no Ekka, mine's a good 4 whole feet longer!!! Getting in a 32 footer on monday though. Just finished doing some work in trade for it. Now I've got two! I could start my own trailer park! __________________ Ken Fessia I.T.S.A. Tree Service (661) 916-4703

14th March 2008, 07:01 AM	#286 (permalink)
TreeDimensional Banned Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 381	Re: It's just a Joke! Hey Therrin, did you get the optional red-neck with the second one?

14th March 2008, 07:02 AM	#287 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,679	Re: It's just a Joke! I'm still in florida td. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

14th March 2008, 02:48 PM	#288 (permalink)
clementine Mature tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 288	Re: It's just a Joke! Two cowboys talking about sex. One cowboy says, "I like the rodeo position best!" "I haven't heard of that one." says the other, "what is it?" "Well, you get your girlfriend down on all fours and "get behind her" right, then reach around and cup each of her breasts in your hands, then whisper..... These feel just like your sisters." Then try to hold on for 8 seconds!" __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

14th March 2008, 07:53 PM	#289 (permalink)
bill24 Sappling Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Victoria, AUST. Posts: 31	Re: It's just a Joke! Clemetine, That cowboy joke is a ripper & now circulating eastern Aust., thanks...... l liked this one, (must be my advancing age..........)? ====================================================== TWO OLD MEN DECIDED THAT THEY WERE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS, AND THEY WANT TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL THE MADAM TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERED TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. THE MANAGER DID AS HE WAS TOLD, AND THE TWO OLD MEN WENT UPSTAIRS AND TOOK CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY WERE WALKING HOME, THE FIRST MAN SAID, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD! DEAD?' ASKED HIS FRIEND. 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? 'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER. HIS FRIEND SAID, ' THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE . I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.' 'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT? 'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE. THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... AND TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!' ============================================ Regards to all, Bill24.

15th March 2008, 01:49 PM	#290 (permalink)
Sean Freeman PDF King & Arborist Extrodinaire Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Townsville Nth Queensland & Gold Coast Sth Queensland Posts: 1,671	Re: It's just a Joke! Maybe its just me but that joke almost made me wet myself! she's a witch!!!.... __________________ Sean Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky, We fell them down and turn them into paper, That we may record our emptiness. - Kahlil Gibran

21st March 2008, 05:41 PM	#291 (permalink)
clementine Mature tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 288	Re: It's just a Joke! My wife said " I want one of these installed right now!" And she held the spanner for me! __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal