It's just a Joke!

FlashD · 28th February 2008, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newguy18

A couple years ago here in live oak a man was arrested for d.u.i while driving a lawnmower down highway 129.When he was areested the cops asked where he was going and he said "to get more beer".I'll see if i can find the newspaper ad.Happens around here all the time drunks driving riding mowers.

that happens all the time in my home town. this one guy got his drivers licnese taken away, so he tried to drive without it. then he got arrested for doing that. he gets out on probation and procedes to drive his lawn mower to the bar, only to get pulled over doing that and got his lawn mower confiscated by the cops. now he can't drive or mow his lawn. sad day.

bill24 · 28th February 2008, 12:09 PM

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food??

And..............

Prime Minister K.Rudd went to an outback community to talk about the stolen generation.

The tribal elders said :

?We don't know nothin bout no fukken stolen generator? .

regards to all,

Bill24.

JayD · 28th February 2008, 03:03 PM

Good on Ya, Bill, I had a good belly laught at that.......It all makes sence why else would you eat dog food..LOL.

playfordtree · 28th February 2008, 03:45 PM

Jesus Bill, i just about sprayed my coffee across the computer screen.
That's funny stuff

Im glad i got to read that before ekka pulls it.

newguy18 · 28th February 2008, 04:16 PM

Thats frikkin hilarious Bill and btw my names Bill too.

bill24 · 29th February 2008, 03:43 AM

Thanks for the ++ comments, the fellas were getting a bit maudlin about drink drive, vic. coppers etc. and I thought I needed to lighten the moment.
No offence intended in the second joke, just a play on words.

========================================================

While on a roll.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A man shoots a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to
know what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue.

"Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes"
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
Little Johnny screams, "Don't eat it.... its a f*cking arsehole!!!!!!!!

==========================================================

Its been an informative forum, god blokes, this may be my last post.......??

Ekka, now that I've worked out who he is, may give me the chop!

==========================================================

clementine · 29th February 2008, 04:03 AM

Aha! It's a cracker!

newguy18 · 29th February 2008, 05:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bill24

Thanks for the ++ comments, the fellas were getting a bit maudlin about drink drive, vic. coppers etc. and I thought I needed to lighten the moment.
No offence intended in the second joke, just a play on words.

========================================================

While on a roll.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A man shoots a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to
know what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue.

"Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes"
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
Little Johnny screams, "Don't eat it.... its a f*cking arsehole!!!!!!!!

==========================================================

Its been an informative forum, god blokes, this may be my last post.......??

Ekka, now that I've worked out who he is, may give me the chop!

==========================================================

I'm pretty sure Ekka won't ban you for your jokes,he's a pretty cool guy.

Quintrex · 29th February 2008, 02:20 PM

Boy and girl playing hide n seek, girl hiding and boy looking for her.
She sends the boy a text msg " if you find me you can hug and kiss me and do whatever else you want, and if you can't find me I'm in the shed"

newguy18 · 29th February 2008, 04:45 PM

i didn't get that one quintrex.

JayD · 29th February 2008, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newguy18

i didn't get that one quintrex.

LOL....Bill?? ifin it was me i'd be lookin in the shed

....LOL.

pomme · 29th February 2008, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newguy18

i didn't get that one quintrex.

come on newguy!!!

read it again

newguy18 · 1st March 2008, 01:49 PM

Duhh got it that time,pomme you can call me bill.

Therrin · 2nd March 2008, 04:55 AM

pomme · 3rd March 2008, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Therrin

should that be that girls are the root of evil lol

DBS · 3rd March 2008, 05:57 AM

The square of the square root of evil is indeed evil
square root of 25 = 5
5 squared = 25

pomme · 3rd March 2008, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DBS

28th February 2008, 12:09 PM	#252 (permalink)
bill24 Sappling Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Victoria, AUST. Posts: 31	Re: It's just a Joke! I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food?? And.............. Prime Minister K.Rudd went to an outback community to talk about the stolen generation. The tribal elders said : ?We don't know nothin bout no fukken stolen generator? . regards to all, Bill24.

28th February 2008, 03:03 PM	#253 (permalink)
JayD Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 941	Re: It's just a Joke! Good on Ya, Bill, I had a good belly laught at that.......It all makes sence why else would you eat dog food..LOL. __________________ Free Tree and Green Industry Link Directory

28th February 2008, 03:45 PM	#254 (permalink)
playfordtree Mature tree Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Adelaide Australia Posts: 340	Re: It's just a Joke! Jesus Bill, i just about sprayed my coffee across the computer screen. That's funny stuff Im glad i got to read that before ekka pulls it. __________________ I Drink Therefore I am.

28th February 2008, 04:16 PM	#255 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,680	Re: It's just a Joke! Thats frikkin hilarious Bill and btw my names Bill too. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

29th February 2008, 03:43 AM	#256 (permalink)
bill24 Sappling Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Victoria, AUST. Posts: 31	Re: It's just a Joke! Thanks for the ++ comments, the fellas were getting a bit maudlin about drink drive, vic. coppers etc. and I thought I needed to lighten the moment. No offence intended in the second joke, just a play on words. ======================================================== While on a roll.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> A man shoots a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue. "Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes" = = = = = = = = = = Little Johnny screams, "Don't eat it.... its a f*cking arsehole!!!!!!!! ========================================================== Its been an informative forum, god blokes, this may be my last post.......?? Ekka, now that I've worked out who he is, may give me the chop! ==========================================================

29th February 2008, 04:03 AM	#257 (permalink)
clementine Mature tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Portugal Posts: 288	Re: It's just a Joke! Aha! It's a cracker! __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken! Builder in Central Portugal

29th February 2008, 02:20 PM	#259 (permalink)
Quintrex Mature tree Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 464	Re: It's just a Joke! Boy and girl playing hide n seek, girl hiding and boy looking for her. She sends the boy a text msg " if you find me you can hug and kiss me and do whatever else you want, and if you can't find me I'm in the shed" __________________ Heightmaster

29th February 2008, 04:45 PM	#260 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,680	Re: It's just a Joke! i didn't get that one quintrex. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

1st March 2008, 01:49 PM	#263 (permalink)
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Live Oak Florida home of the crapiest trees you will ever see. Posts: 2,680	Re: It's just a Joke! Duhh got it that time,pomme you can call me bill. __________________ Have your say join us today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzkd_m4ivmc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzfzb...eature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-OqK...eature=related

2nd March 2008, 04:55 AM	#264 (permalink)
Therrin The Tree World Bandit Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lancaster, Ca Posts: 1,273	Re: It's just a Joke!

3rd March 2008, 05:57 AM	#266 (permalink)
DBS Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: CT USA Posts: 205	Re: It's just a Joke! The square of the square root of evil is indeed evil square root of 25 = 5 5 squared = 25 __________________ Stihl MS 200T Stihl MS 361