It's just a Joke!

newguy18 · 28th February 2008, 12:16 AM

Thats hilarious clemmy,Done it i didn't mind getting banned because clemmy's post reminds me of so many of my threads over there.

clementine · 28th February 2008, 12:28 AM

newguy, what's this about being bumped off a forum?

What have you been up too?

Which was it? Can we take a look or is that against TW policy?

newguy18 · 28th February 2008, 12:32 AM

This happened a few months ago elsewhere lets just leave it like this i'm banned and i'm not trying to get back on.i'm not well liked over there.

clementine · 28th February 2008, 12:42 AM

Your right, don't bother with'em.
Doesn't take much to upset some folks.
I've posted stuff on here, then posted same on another site and started to get complaints

so I had to edit it out.

newguy18 · 28th February 2008, 01:07 AM

I stay in pretty regular contact with my friends from over there but that through email and a couple are members here.

azrael · 28th February 2008, 06:37 PM

A silly one.

Notice on power-pole outside Sydney Uni ... perhaps posted by overseas student???

Sean Freeman · 28th February 2008, 08:56 PM

No matter how often I see that one it puts a smile on the dial

Eric Frei · 28th February 2008, 09:34 PM

That's a bloody possum not a cat! LOL

Clemmy, although property is privately owned if it is open to public access it's police territory. Such as car parks for shopping centres etc.

They can also book you for drink driving on a pushbike or horse.

Do not sleep it off in the drivers seat. The law apparently reads "operating a vehicle" or "in charge of a vehicle" and being in it in such a position can be interpreted as such.

Have a read of this page, from Victoria, how stupid! You even have drink driving laws on private property not open to the public!!!!!!!!! You can see why Ned Kelly hated the Vic coppers.

Road Rules Victoria. Your legal rights and obligations

Quote:

Driving a motor vehicle on land which is not a highway (e.g. private property not open to the public).

* All of the usual drink driving laws apply to driving on private property.
* All of the motor vehicle accident laws apply to accidents on private property.
* The majority of driving laws do not apply on private property (e.g. seatbelts, speeding).
* You are not obliged to state your name and address upon request unless you are found driving on a "highway".
* You are not obliged to produce a drivers licence (or be licenced) unless you are found driving on a "highway".
* A private road or driveway on a farm might still be a highway if it is open to the public for driving.
* The offence of 'driving in a manner dangerous to the public' can be committed anywhere. Careless driving can be committed on a highway only.
* Drink driving offences can be committed anywhere within the State, even in your locked garage.

And I remember this case where the got off then got put back on the hook! A QLD one.

Quote:

from the Brisbane Sunday Rag.
Sleeping drunk 'in charge' of car
KAY DIBBEN chief reporter
05dec04

A JUDGE has overturned a decision to acquit an intoxicated man who was charged after he was found asleep in a parked car with the keys on his lap.

Brisbane man Pero Spasovski last year was charged with being in charge of a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol, but was acquitted by a magistrate.

Holland Park Magistrates Court was told that on July 1 last year Spasovski had started drinking after buying alcohol at 8am.

He later went to the Manly Hotel and drank until he was asked to leave at 2pm.

An hour later he went to his son's car in the hotel carpark, sat in the driver's seat and threw the keys towards the ground.

But the keys landed on his lap, where police found them half an hour later.

Spasovski said he had been waiting for a family member to come and pick him up.

At 4.25pm he had a blood alcohol reading of .271.

The magistrate decided Spasovski had formed the intention not to drive the car, he had not assumed physical control of the vehicle and therefore was not in charge of it.

Spasovski, of Jindalee in Brisbane's west, who had pleaded not guilty, was acquitted by the magistrate on November 24 last year after a summary trial.

But on November 30 in Brisbane's District Court Judge John McGill set aside the magistrate's decision and convicted Spasovski.

Judge McGill found that Spasovski was exercising physical control and the fact that he did not intend to drive was irrelevant.

"What matters is that he was in a position to drive the vehicle if he chose to do so without first taking charge of it from some other person," Judge McGill said.

He also expressed regret the law imposed the same penalties for the offence of being drunk in charge of a vehicle as for driving a vehicle.

Spasovski will be sentenced at a later date.

Some USA ones below.

Guilty of DUI While In a Parked Car | DUILaws.com

Parked car DUI, being charged with driving under the influence in a parked car, actually operating the vehicle

clementine · 29th February 2008, 12:09 AM

That's crazy,"Even in your locked garage".
The laws changed a lot in 20 years or less.
I used to sleep in the car in the pub carpark when I was a youth, after a bellyfull. I use to hide the keys under a bush or stone cos back then they couldn't get you unless you had the keys on you.
Trouble was finding the keys in the morning.

You can drink and drive legally of course:

newguy18 · 29th February 2008, 02:17 AM

A couple years ago here in live oak a man was arrested for d.u.i while driving a lawnmower down highway 129.When he was areested the cops asked where he was going and he said "to get more beer".I'll see if i can find the newspaper ad.Happens around here all the time drunks driving riding mowers.

FlashD · 29th February 2008, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newguy18

A couple years ago here in live oak a man was arrested for d.u.i while driving a lawnmower down highway 129.When he was areested the cops asked where he was going and he said "to get more beer".I'll see if i can find the newspaper ad.Happens around here all the time drunks driving riding mowers.

that happens all the time in my home town. this one guy got his drivers licnese taken away, so he tried to drive without it. then he got arrested for doing that. he gets out on probation and procedes to drive his lawn mower to the bar, only to get pulled over doing that and got his lawn mower confiscated by the cops. now he can't drive or mow his lawn. sad day.

bill24 · 29th February 2008, 07:09 AM

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food??

And..............

Prime Minister K.Rudd went to an outback community to talk about the stolen generation.

The tribal elders said :

?We don't know nothin bout no fukken stolen generator? .

regards to all,

Bill24.

Jeff Darby · 29th February 2008, 10:03 AM

Good on Ya, Bill, I had a good belly laught at that.......It all makes sence why else would you eat dog food..LOL.

playfordtree · 29th February 2008, 10:45 AM

Jesus Bill, i just about sprayed my coffee across the computer screen.
That's funny stuff

Im glad i got to read that before ekka pulls it.

newguy18 · 29th February 2008, 11:16 AM

Thats frikkin hilarious Bill and btw my names Bill too.

bill24 · 29th February 2008, 10:43 PM

Thanks for the ++ comments, the fellas were getting a bit maudlin about drink drive, vic. coppers etc. and I thought I needed to lighten the moment.
No offence intended in the second joke, just a play on words.

========================================================

While on a roll.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A man shoots a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to
know what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue.

"Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes"
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
Little Johnny screams, "Don't eat it.... its a f*cking arsehole!!!!!!!!

==========================================================

Its been an informative forum, god blokes, this may be my last post.......??

Ekka, now that I've worked out who he is, may give me the chop!

==========================================================

clementine · 29th February 2008, 11:03 PM

Aha! It's a cracker!

newguy18 · 1st March 2008, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bill24

Thanks for the ++ comments, the fellas were getting a bit maudlin about drink drive, vic. coppers etc. and I thought I needed to lighten the moment.
No offence intended in the second joke, just a play on words.

========================================================

While on a roll.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A man shoots a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to
know what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue.

"Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes"
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
Little Johnny screams, "Don't eat it.... its a f*cking arsehole!!!!!!!!

==========================================================

Its been an informative forum, god blokes, this may be my last post.......??

Ekka, now that I've worked out who he is, may give me the chop!

==========================================================

I'm pretty sure Ekka won't ban you for your jokes,he's a pretty cool guy.

Steve Tipton · 1st March 2008, 09:20 AM

Boy and girl playing hide n seek, girl hiding and boy looking for her.
She sends the boy a text msg " if you find me you can hug and kiss me and do whatever else you want, and if you can't find me I'm in the shed"

newguy18 · 1st March 2008, 11:45 AM

i didn't get that one quintrex.

Jeff Darby · 1st March 2008, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newguy18

i didn't get that one quintrex.

LOL....Bill?? ifin it was me i'd be lookin in the shed

....LOL.

pomme · 1st March 2008, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newguy18

i didn't get that one quintrex.

come on newguy!!!

read it again

newguy18 · 2nd March 2008, 08:49 AM

Duhh got it that time,pomme you can call me bill.

Therrin · 2nd March 2008, 11:55 PM

pomme · 3rd March 2008, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Therrin

should that be that girls are the root of evil lol

DBS · 4th March 2008, 12:57 AM

The square of the square root of evil is indeed evil
square root of 25 = 5
5 squared = 25

pomme · 4th March 2008, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DBS

The square of the square root of evil is indeed evil
square root of 25 = 5
5 squared = 25

smart arse

DBS · 4th March 2008, 06:42 AM

-Daryl

bill24 · 4th March 2008, 12:53 PM

Geday to everyone, wanted to share this........
=============================================

After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to
be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like
to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. 'After I have sex, I am usually
cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am
usually hot and sweaty.'

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything
appears to be fine.

Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to
discuss with me?'

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern.
He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with
you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time.

Do you know why?

'Oh, that crazy old fart!' she replied. 'That's because the first
time is usually in June, and the second time is in January.day to everyone, wated to share these:-

===============================================

regards

Bill24.

bill24 · 4th March 2008, 12:54 PM

Bugger, must proof read.
Bill24.

28th February 2008, 12:16 AM	#241
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: orlando,fl Posts: 4,977	Re: It's just a Joke! Thats hilarious clemmy,Done it i didn't mind getting banned because clemmy's post reminds me of so many of my threads over there. __________________ Have your say join us today. old schooler

28th February 2008, 12:28 AM	#242
clementine Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Shropshire, UK Posts: 509	Re: It's just a Joke! newguy, what's this about being bumped off a forum? What have you been up too? Which was it? Can we take a look or is that against TW policy? __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

28th February 2008, 12:32 AM	#243
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: orlando,fl Posts: 4,977	Re: It's just a Joke! This happened a few months ago elsewhere lets just leave it like this i'm banned and i'm not trying to get back on.i'm not well liked over there. __________________ Have your say join us today. old schooler

28th February 2008, 12:42 AM	#244
clementine Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Shropshire, UK Posts: 509	Re: It's just a Joke! Your right, don't bother with'em. Doesn't take much to upset some folks. I've posted stuff on here, then posted same on another site and started to get complaints so I had to edit it out. __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

28th February 2008, 01:07 AM	#245
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: orlando,fl Posts: 4,977	Re: It's just a Joke! I stay in pretty regular contact with my friends from over there but that through email and a couple are members here. __________________ Have your say join us today. old schooler

28th February 2008, 06:37 PM	#246
azrael Former Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Earth Australia Posts: 234	Re: It's just a Joke! A silly one. Notice on power-pole outside Sydney Uni ... perhaps posted by overseas student???

28th February 2008, 08:56 PM	#247
Sean Freeman Monument Status Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Townsville Nth Queensland & Gold Coast Sth Queensland Posts: 1,985	Re: It's just a Joke! No matter how often I see that one it puts a smile on the dial

29th February 2008, 12:09 AM	#249
clementine Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Shropshire, UK Posts: 509	Re: It's just a Joke! That's crazy,"Even in your locked garage". The laws changed a lot in 20 years or less. I used to sleep in the car in the pub carpark when I was a youth, after a bellyfull. I use to hide the keys under a bush or stone cos back then they couldn't get you unless you had the keys on you. Trouble was finding the keys in the morning. You can drink and drive legally of course: __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

29th February 2008, 02:17 AM	#250
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: orlando,fl Posts: 4,977	Re: It's just a Joke! A couple years ago here in live oak a man was arrested for d.u.i while driving a lawnmower down highway 129.When he was areested the cops asked where he was going and he said "to get more beer".I'll see if i can find the newspaper ad.Happens around here all the time drunks driving riding mowers. __________________ Have your say join us today. old schooler

29th February 2008, 07:09 AM	#252
bill24 Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Victoria, AUST. Posts: 148	Re: It's just a Joke! I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food?? And.............. Prime Minister K.Rudd went to an outback community to talk about the stolen generation. The tribal elders said : ?We don't know nothin bout no fukken stolen generator? . regards to all, Bill24.

29th February 2008, 10:03 AM	#253
Jeff Darby Moderator - Previously known as JayD Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: TreeWorld, Sydney Australia Posts: 2,031	Re: It's just a Joke! Good on Ya, Bill, I had a good belly laught at that.......It all makes sence why else would you eat dog food..LOL. __________________ Member: Australian Tree Association Join the Australian Tree Association...Have your voice heard ! Arboriculture, A life long study for some, a passing phase for others © Jeffrey J Darby 2011

29th February 2008, 10:45 AM	#254
playfordtree Mature tree Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Behind Your Sister! Posts: 331	Re: It's just a Joke! Jesus Bill, i just about sprayed my coffee across the computer screen. That's funny stuff Im glad i got to read that before ekka pulls it. __________________ Euthanizing South Australian Trees since 2007

29th February 2008, 11:16 AM	#255
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: orlando,fl Posts: 4,977	Re: It's just a Joke! Thats frikkin hilarious Bill and btw my names Bill too. __________________ Have your say join us today. old schooler

29th February 2008, 10:43 PM	#256
bill24 Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Victoria, AUST. Posts: 148	Re: It's just a Joke! Thanks for the ++ comments, the fellas were getting a bit maudlin about drink drive, vic. coppers etc. and I thought I needed to lighten the moment. No offence intended in the second joke, just a play on words. ======================================================== While on a roll.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> A man shoots a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue. "Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes" = = = = = = = = = = Little Johnny screams, "Don't eat it.... its a f*cking arsehole!!!!!!!! ========================================================== Its been an informative forum, god blokes, this may be my last post.......?? Ekka, now that I've worked out who he is, may give me the chop! ==========================================================

29th February 2008, 11:03 PM	#257
clementine Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Shropshire, UK Posts: 509	Re: It's just a Joke! Aha! It's a cracker! __________________ Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

1st March 2008, 09:20 AM	#259
Steve Tipton Over mature heritage tree Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 823	Re: It's just a Joke! Boy and girl playing hide n seek, girl hiding and boy looking for her. She sends the boy a text msg " if you find me you can hug and kiss me and do whatever else you want, and if you can't find me I'm in the shed" __________________ Heightmaster

1st March 2008, 11:45 AM	#260
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: orlando,fl Posts: 4,977	Re: It's just a Joke! i didn't get that one quintrex. __________________ Have your say join us today. old schooler

2nd March 2008, 08:49 AM	#263
newguy18 Part of the Furniture Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: orlando,fl Posts: 4,977	Re: It's just a Joke! Duhh got it that time,pomme you can call me bill. __________________ Have your say join us today. old schooler

2nd March 2008, 11:55 PM	#264
Therrin Former Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Bakersfield, Ca Posts: 2,512	Re: It's just a Joke!

4th March 2008, 12:57 AM	#266
DBS Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: CT USA Posts: 182	Re: It's just a Joke! The square of the square root of evil is indeed evil square root of 25 = 5 5 squared = 25 __________________ Stihl MS 200T Stihl MS 361

4th March 2008, 06:42 AM	#268
DBS Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: CT USA Posts: 182	Re: It's just a Joke! -Daryl __________________ Stihl MS 200T Stihl MS 361

4th March 2008, 12:53 PM	#269
bill24 Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Victoria, AUST. Posts: 148	Re: It's just a Joke! Geday to everyone, wanted to share this........ ============================================= After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?' 'In fact, I do.' said the old man. 'After I have sex, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty.' After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?' The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why? 'Oh, that crazy old fart!' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in June, and the second time is in January.day to everyone, wated to share these:- =============================================== regards Bill24.

4th March 2008, 12:54 PM	#270
bill24 Semi-mature vigorous tree Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Victoria, AUST. Posts: 148	Re: It's just a Joke! Bugger, must proof read. Bill24.

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