It's just a Joke!

pcarborist

Clementine, I've got a few more:

why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
why isn't there senior mints? (this could be an USA thing)

__________________
parkcityarborist

clementine

Shirley applies for a job at a factory which has just opened in north Sydney, making Tickler Toys. NOTE: For the uninitiated and Treeworlders, Tickler Toys laugh when you tickle them under the arm.

Her application is successful and she is taken on, to work on the ‘Mister Bobby Tickler’ conveyor belt. Her first day is taken up with training and she starts work proper on her second day.

But halfway through her second day, the foreman complains about Shirley to the Training Manager. "That new girl Shirley is so incredibly slow that her Mister Bobby belt is backing up, putting my entire production behind schedule." He moans!

The Training Manager wants to see Shirley at work for himself. When he arrives at the factory floor, the production line is so backed up that there are Mister Bobbys lying all over the factory floor and Shirley is at the end of the line surrounded by dozens of them.

Next to her are rolls of pink fabric and boxes of small marbles. He watches in amazement as Shirley cuts a piece of pink fabric, wraps it around two marbles and then begins to carefully sew the little package between the legs of a "Mister Bobby".

The Training Manager bursts out laughing. Then he goes over to Shirley and says, trying to keep a straight face,

"I'm sorry, but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job is to give each Mister Bobby two test tickles."

__________________
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

funarty

Indian Chief "Two Eagles" was
asked by a white U.S. Government official, "You
have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his
technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's
done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering
all these events, in your opinionwheredid the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official
for over a minute and then calmly replied:"When white man find land, Indians running it,no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing;[All night having sex.'
Then the chief leaned back and smiled
"Only white man dumbenough to think he could improve system like that."

__________________
COOL TREES=COOL PLANET

newguy18

Attached Thumbnails

 

__________________
Have your say join us today.


old schooler

osb_mail

a kindergarten class was given a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and related it to class the next day. when the time came to present what they d found , the first boy walked to the front of the class and made a small dot on the blackboard .Puzzled the teacher asked what it was "Its a period ", said the boy "Whats so exciting about a period " she asked " damned if I know "said the boy "but my sister was missing one , my mom fainted , my dad had a heart attack , and the man next door shot himself ."

Steve Tipton

A bit long winded here Guys!


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...


> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...


> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...



> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------



My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...



> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

---------------------------------

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

--------------------------------------------

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

---------------------------------------------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

----------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ...


---------------------------------------------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

- - -

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

--------------------------------------------------------------------

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

and then the fight started...

-------------------------------

__________________
Heightmaster

Steve Tipton

A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a
> call on his mobile phone
>
> and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear.
> Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy
> everyone in the bar a drink.
>
>
>
> The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd
> around keen to know what they are celebrating. "Well" he announces,
> "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland baby boy weighing 25
> pounds".
>
>
>
> Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the
> Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland. Like
> I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy."
>
>
>
> Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations
> of "STREWTH" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy
> pains.
>
>
>
> Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the bar.
>
> The bartender says "You're the father of that typical Queensland
> baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth aren't you? Everybody's been
> having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call
> you. So - how much does he weigh now?"
>
>
>
> The proud father answers: "17 pounds".
>
>
>
> The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed
> 25 pounds the day he was born!"
>
>
>
> The Queensland father takes a l-o-n-g s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX
> Gold, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and
> proudly says ....
>
> " Had him circumcised "
>
>
>

__________________
Heightmaster

Steve Tipton

The federal government is sending each and every pensioner over $ 1000-00 for Christmas.

If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs.

if we purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan,

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, China and Guatemala,

If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan,

If we purchase cheap cars it will go to Korea and none of it will help the Australian economy.


The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer,

Since these are, the only products still produced in Australia.

Thank you for your help.

Kevin Rudd & Wayne Swan .

( Australian Prime Minister & Australian Treasurer)

__________________
Heightmaster

funarty

So true!

__________________
COOL TREES=COOL PLANET

rbtree

Moms in Therapy

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with food. You even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol.
This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner."

funarty

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly…
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two bestfriends, Cooter and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.
Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up…
Roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two assholes.'
'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:
'There's Bubba with them two assholes.'

__________________
COOL TREES=COOL PLANET

clementine

Bill and Patrick were two old men who use to meet everyday in the park, to feed the birds and pass the time of day.
One day Patrick did not turn up and Bill thought that perhaps Patrick had gone out with friends or relatives.

But when one week had passed and Patrick still didn't turn up, Bill became concerned, but could do nothing about it, because he was unaware of where Patrick lived as he only ever met him in the park.
A month went by and suddenly to Bill's delight Patrick turned up.
"where the hell have you have been?" said Bill to Patrick?

"Well", said Patrick "You know that very young blonde who works in the coffee shop, she accused me of raping her and at 87 years old, I was so proud of the accusation that I pleaded guilty and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

__________________
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

clementine

Hi there,
It's me again,

Tampax have just announced that they are replacing the length of string on their product with Tinsel !

But only for the Christmas period.

__________________
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

StrictlyPalms

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....



"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

__________________
Strictly Palms, Inc.
Orlando, Florida USA

Therrin

ahahahahaha.... weeweechu..nice

OutofMytree

I can't believe you found an even scarier avatar ken. But you did.

Steve Tipton

Hear hear!

__________________
Heightmaster

Steve Tipton

Cowboy Honeymoon







A cowboy and his wife had just gotten married and
found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man
approached the Front Desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'This heerza special 'casion -- our honeymoon
-- and we need a nice room with a good strong bed.'

The clerk winked -- 'You want the 'Bridal'?'

The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then
replied, 'Nope, reckon not.'



'Guess I'll jist hold on to her ears til she gits used to it.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------




SMART ARSED ANSWERS 2008

The last one is a worthy winner.




6th Place

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

'What are my choices?' the man asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the Qantas departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed at her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said,

'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a Woolworth's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the policeman said.

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


2nd Place

A semi-trailer driver was driving along on a country road.

A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car came up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab

And said to the driver,

'Got stuck, eh?'

The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008

A teacher at a TAFE College reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

__________________
Heightmaster

Steve Tipton

>> Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy
>> missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a
>> whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
>>
>> He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let
>> liquor touch my lips!"
>>
>> Paddy handed his drink back & said "Me too, I didn't know we had a
>> choice!"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many
>> people are flying with you?"
>>
>> Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!!"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy
>> "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
>>
>> He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts "I'M A
>> LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement!
>>
>> The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.
>>
>> Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
>>
>> "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
>>
>> "I cant work in the friggin dark! " says Murphy.
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
>>
>> After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are
>> getting on"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ---------------------
>>
>> Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
>>
>> She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says "You know what I
>> want don't you?"
>> "Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
>>
>> A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you
get
>> a dodgy one!
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. Prison service for not
>> servicing the electric chair.
>>
>> He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ---------------------
>>
>> Paddy's chat up lines:
>>
>> 1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
>> 2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
>> 3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
>> 4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
>> 5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Everytime I think of you my
nuts
>> tighten up!
>> 6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only
>> a light switch away!
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>> Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on
>> Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
>>
>> A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think
>> that's her, she wasn't that tall!"
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking
like
>> mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" & storms off.
>>
>> He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks "What did you
do?"
>>
>> Paddy replies "Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like
it!"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says "You're not very tight
for a
>> Jew!"
>>
>> She says "Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have
>> Bluetongue. "Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile
>> phones!"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say
>> "Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!"
>>
>> Paddy says "Whats his name?"
>>
>> Mick replies "Miles from London !"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
> ----------------------
>>
>> An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past &
>> stops.
>>
>> He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts "It's thick f**kwits
>> like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick
the
>> f**k out of you if I could swim!"
>>
>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------

__________________
Heightmaster

newguy18

Hehehe,

__________________
Have your say join us today.


old schooler

funarty

I like it!
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the eye and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her In the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'


The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.



The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your Grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'



The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.



The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'



At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders Looks him square in the eyes and says...



'Grandpa;....... Go home! You're drunk.

__________________
COOL TREES=COOL PLANET

Done it

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?

I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover.

So...is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?

newguy18

Its easy enough to fix.

__________________
Have your say join us today.


old schooler

clementine

A local Fred Hollows Foundation realized that they had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the Fred Hollows Foundation rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken Fred Hollows Foundation rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated Fred Hollows Foundation rep, completely beaten, said simply, "Sorry, I had no idea..."

The lawyer cut him off once again, and exclaimed,

"So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you lot?"

__________________
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

funarty

No wonder this world is stuffed!

__________________
COOL TREES=COOL PLANET

Eric Frei

Subject: The Home Depot Scam

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.

This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.

Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also, December 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful.


P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale $2.99 each

__________________

newguy18

__________________
Have your say join us today.


old schooler

Therrin

Considering recent events, I'll have to go buy myself some cheap wallets!

Steve Tipton

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Unfortunately,
the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up
there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice
said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all
over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the
broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my
window?'

'Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see e,
I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give
you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for
myself.'

'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what
do you want?' the genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

'And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now
have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you,
honey?'

'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours
of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes
and asked, 'How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

' NO S***.' He said, 'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in
genies?'

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Heightmaster

Eric Frei

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