It's just a Joke!

funarty

Awwww you poor guys hehehe
Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms.They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.
* Nike Condoms: Just do it
* Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling
* Ford Condoms: The ride of your life
* Optus Condoms: Yes!
* Duracell Condoms: Keep going and going and going
* Pringles Condoms: Once you pop you can't stop
* Hyundai Condoms: All day, every day
* Tip Top Condoms: Good onya mum - (available in Tasmania only)
* Panasonic Condoms: Even more than you expected
* VB Condoms: As a matter of fact, I've got one now
* Swan Lager Condoms: They said you'd never make it....
* Vegemite Condoms: Puts a rose in every cheek
* Levi Condoms: Do you fit the legend?
* Nescafe Condoms: It brings you together.
* Quicken Condoms: Quicken Easy
The following brands would probably not sell very well.....
* AFL Condoms: I'd Like to See That
* Goodyear Condoms: If it only saves you once a year....
* RTA Condoms: Speed kills
* Nobby's Condoms: Nibble Nobby's Nuts
* Bolle Condoms: Put them on your face
* Aussie Homeloans Condoms: We'll save you

Eric Frei

That was great! Howz the Tassies!!

__________________

Steve Tipton

Camel Sex

>>> A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in
>>> the Afghanistan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit,
>>> he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the
>>> Sergeant why the camel is kept there.


>>> The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, There are 250 men
>>> here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have
>>> 'urges'. That's why we have Molly The Camel.'


>>> The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand
>>> about 'urges', so the camel can stay.'


>>> About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'.
>>> Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his
>>> tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the
>>> ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the
>>> camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men
>>> do it?'

>>> 'No not really, sir...They usually just ride the camel into town

__________________
Heightmaster

funarty

The Cork

Aussie humour!

funarty

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

funarty

You know you're Australian if…

1. Youknow the meaning of the word 'girt'.
2. Youbelieve that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
3. Youthink it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
4. Youwaddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed inyour wallet or purse.
5. You'vemade a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegalsuch as watering the garden.
6. Youbelieve it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when hefirst attends school.
7. Whenyou hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how oftenand with whom.
8. Youunderstand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs'refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
9. Youpronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
10. You pronounce Penrith as'Pen-riff'.
11. You believe the'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.
12. You can translate:'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'
13. You believe it makesperfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglassbananas, prawns and sheep.
14. You call your bestfriend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise isjust 'a bit of a bastard'.
15. You think'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
16. You're secretly proud ofour killer wildlife.
17. You believe it makessense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
18. You understand that'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'WoyWoy' can't be called 'Woy'.
19. You believe thatcooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.
20. You believe all famousKiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they againbecome Kiwis.
21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Ofcourse.
22. You know that certain wordsmust, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am IEver Gonna See Your Face Again.
23. You believe, as anarticle of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has becomesmaller with every passing year.
24. You still don't get whythe 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a'u'.
25. You wear ugh bootsoutside the house.
26. You believe, as anarticle of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by anAustralian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
27. You believe that themore you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
28. Whatever your linguisticskills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asianlanguage.
29. You understand that'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is alwayspolite.
30. You know what it's liketo swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
31. You understand that'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.
32. You know it's not summeruntil the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
33. Your biggest familyargument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
34. You shake your head inhorror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.
35. You still think of Kylieas 'that girl off Neighbours'.
36. When returning home fromoverseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in caseyou're trying to sneak in fruit.
37. You believe the phrase'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitablylaundered.
38. You understand that alltrain timetables are works of fiction.
39. When working on a bar,you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse wheneverthey order low-alcohol beer.
40. You get choked up withemotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have troubleremembering the second.
41. You find yourselfignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new testfor migrants.
42. You know, whatever thetourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'.
43. Youknow the oath of mateship can never be limited by geographical distance.
44. You'vemimicked Alf Stewart from the TV show Home and Away's broad, Australian accent,eg. 'push off, ya flamin' drongo!'
45. You'vehad an argument with your mate over whether Ford or Holden makes the better car
46. You'vedone the 'hot sand' dance at the beach while running from the oceanback to your towel.
47. Youknow who Ray Martin is
48. Youstart using words like 'bloody' and 'grouse' and call people 'champ'
49. Youstop greeting people with 'hello' and go straight to the 'how yadoin'?'
50. You'vebeen to a day-nighter cricket match and screamed out incomprehensibly untilyour throat went raw.
51. Youhave a story that somehow revolves around excess consumption of alcohol and amate named 'Dave'.
52. You'verisked attending an outdoor music festival on the hottest day of the year.
53. You'vetried to hang off a clothesline while pretending you can fly
54. You'vehad a visit to the emergency room after hanging off the clothesline pretendingyou can fly.
55. You owna pair of thongs for everyday use, and another pair of dress thongs' forspecial occasions.
56. Youdon't know what's in a meat pie, and you don't care
57. You callsoccer 'soccer, not 'football'
58. You'vesqueezed Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
59. Yousuck your coffee/tea through a Tim Tam.
60. Yourealise that lifeguards are the only people who can get away with wearingSpeedos.
61. Youpledge allegiance to Vegemite over Promite, even if you don’t eat it.
62. Youunderstand the value of public holidays.
63. You'reweekends are spent barracking for your favourite sports team.
64. You'veplayed beach cricket with a tennis ball and a bat fashioned out of a fencepost.
65. Youfirmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok, and have told a mate intough times that 'She'll be right, mate'
66. You usethe phrase, 'no worries' at least once a day.
67. You'vebeen on a beach holiday and have probably stayed in a caravan.
68. Youconstantly shorten words to 'brekkie', 'arvo' and'barbie'
69. You'veadopted a local bar as your own.

bill24

We can all relate to those FUNARTY...
===================================

Irish Coffee

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!

T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in that coffee shop again!'

funarty

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the
night celebrating St Patrick's Day.
Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy.'
Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then.'
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Shoite!'
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to
the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much
better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
'Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls
himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says, 'No fockin' way', but he crawls up
the stairs to his bedroom door and says, 'I can make it to the bed.'
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it'
and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of
coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?'..
Paddy says, 'I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'
'Mick phoned. You leftyour wheelchair at the pub.'

Steve Tipton

100 Lbs of Dynamite


The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a Great
Chest you have!"


He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby."


He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive Calves you
have!"

The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby."

He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of
the Apartment screaming in fear.


The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.




The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
after I saw how short the fuse was !!!!!!

__________________
Heightmaster

clementine

Sex this Morning!!

My Wife was standing in the kitchen
Preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
Wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally sleeps in.

As I walked in, almost awake,
She turned to me and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

My eyes lit up and I thought,
'Am I still dreaming or is
This going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
Right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her
'T' shirt still around her neck.

A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'




She explained, 'Oh, The egg timer's broken!'

Have a nice day!

__________________
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and taste of chicken!

bill24

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses €500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone's got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse and don't upset the poor woman.

"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost €500, and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife.

"I'll go tell him," says Gallagher.

********************************************************************************************************************

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy, "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight."

********************************************************************************************************************

newguy18

Okay,a man and his son were talking one day and the boy asked dad what is the difference between boobs.
the dad says well son a 20year old woman's boobs are like melons,round and firm.
a 30 year old womans boobs are like pears,still kinda firm.
A 40 or 50 year old woman's boobs are like onions.
The son said why,because they have layers?
The dad said,no when you look at them they make you cry.

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old schooler

funarty

Thats not rite! I've got 40 year old boobs and they don't make anyone cry!!!Peter loves em!!!

Jeff Darby

Yes but some stay in flower and some turn to seed...LOL

__________________

Member: Australian Tree Association

Join the Australian Tree Association...Have your voice heard !

Arboriculture, A life long study for some, a passing phase for others

© Jeffrey J Darby 2011

newguy18

lol Jay.

__________________
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old schooler

bill24

Tonto PAPADOPOLOUS, (PADDY to his mates)..................AKA - JD likes to live dangerously...........

Steve Tipton

READ TO THE END!!












--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



If you receive an email entitled:




'Bedtimes'




'Delete it IMMEDIATELY'







Do not open it.




Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.




It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers.




This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.




IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.
It will drink ALL your beer.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ?




It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table
When you are expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the 'Bedtimes' message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
Dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.







***WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ***




And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.




Send this warning to everyone!

THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!

Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!!




And look at you - you're on the computer

__________________
Heightmaster

funarty

I'm back miss me?The rainforest was fantastic!
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'Its golf balls' Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,
she asked
'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'

Steve Tipton

A guy goes to the Local Council to apply for a job.



The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'



He answers 'Yes - caffeine'



'Have you ever been in the services?'



'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'



The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?



The guy says, 'Yes 100%...a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'



The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM.

You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'



The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?' '



'This is a council job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.



No point in you coming in for that.'

__________________
Heightmaster

Steve Tipton

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.



She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine? she guessed.



"No," the boy replied.



She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?.



"No " said the little boy. . . . ."It's a puppy!"

__________________
Heightmaster

Steve Tipton

Pics please!

__________________
Heightmaster

newguy18

Oh man quintrex,my sides hurt.

__________________
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old schooler

bill24

I have been waiting ages to use this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pomme

Met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
...
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
...
So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".
...
You see I'm against hunting; in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
...
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
...
So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".
...
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
...
So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
...
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
...
But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
...
So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.
...
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said waiter, I asked for AROMATIC duck".
...
But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
...
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".
...
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
...
So I rang up British Telecom,I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", He said "Not you again".
...
So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
...
Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch.
...
And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
...
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
...
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
...
Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
...
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
...
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
...
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
...
A Dyslexic man walks into a bra
...
A baby seal walks into a club...
...
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
...
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
...
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
...
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
...
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain,they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

funarty

In your dreams Quintrex

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but
doesn't really care.

One of life's mysteries is how a 500g box of chocolates can make a woman gain 3 kg!

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing,
someone else does.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my
undies.

Amazing! You hang something in your cupboard for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry
him.

newguy18

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise After much discussion,they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

And the congregation said, "Amen".

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old schooler

newguy18

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers .

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large
and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He
then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the
jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured
the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends
and y our favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house
and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into
the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the
golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and
energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that
are important to you.

'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend
time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with
grandparents. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your spouse out
to dinner.

Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix
the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer
represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Please share this with the people you care about.. I JUST DID

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old schooler

newguy18

The guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.


The first guy slept with Daryl and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all blood shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?"

He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."


The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."


The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"Good morning," he said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"



He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night."

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old schooler

newguy18

Almost pissed myself laughing at this one,

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old schooler

mrkite6661

funny stuff right here