LOL Playford, I know you were kidding, so I held back on the twice a year shower, and the down the road "hair issues".
As far as the "cancer-like symptoms", the search goes on for the cause/cure for humans. I think the trees might have to wait a while. OR, perhaps the trees and other plants hold the secret, and we haven't explored there enough yet.
I'll give you another clue as to what I think causes cancer in humans. Now don't forget that I am a simple farmer and an arborist. What is the primary difference between humans and animals?