wulkowicz

Yes indeed, I did write that.

Quite some time ago in fact. and I was warmed in the cockles of me cockles that despite the piece being dated, it was still very appropriate in a forum about things being pruned.

Here is another wulkowism, dated as well, but still expressive of my persistent distaste for responding to perceived maladies, real or unreal, often caused by us in the first place.

Homosapien erectus var 'Chainsaw'

The pathogen Homosapien erectus var 'Chainsaw' has a frequently predictable pattern of destruction in trees. Usually, the creatures work from the bottom up in a fashion that might be considered sluggish, indiscriminate, and as only far as the creatures can reach without effort.

There are also sub-sets of the species that have the capacity for imitating human speech and have been known to burble "included bark," "included bark," "included bark," while chewing away at multiple stems. It is thought by some investigators that this is an auditory shield used to distract other life forms from intervening in its feedings.

The pathogen is also capable of other extended camoflague including sounding sincere and possessing a distribution of chitinous scales resembling ISA Certified Arborists patches covering the top half of the body.

At the present time, there is no form of effective control for the pathogens, except perhaps their wives. Beer has been established to have a stuporous effect which limits their range of destruction and has been observed to result in some creatures leaving trees vertically at high rates of speed. The presence of this phenomenon is evidenced by shallow depressions in the ground and a scattering of fecal droppings of aluminum cylinders.

The destructive powers of this pathogen is disproportionate to its body weight and it is one of the few species that feeds more than necessary to sustain its life processes.

Although all investigators do not yet agree, its mating calls are understood to be high-pitched whirring sounds. This disagreement between some scholars comes from observations that the sounds seem to attract no one. The pertinent question, at present, is why do they persist? Again, some have argued this is reflective of a low pathogenic IQ. Others have disagreed, saying it is a vestigial or genetic residue of earlier, better times.

The jury is not yet in on the verdict. Preventative measures include tire shredding barricades, citronella candles, and laying books about scientology at the base of potential victim trees.

A fat woman with a broom has also enjoyed some success as a deterrent in Zones 4 and 5.


Bob Wulkowicz